Happy Friday, friends! I'm thrilled we made it through another week. Whatever craziness happened this week is (hopefully) behind us as we head into the weekend. This isn't my usual content, but I felt led to share my testimony with my readers. I haven't hidden that I'm a follower of Jesus, so hopefully it doesn't come as too much of a surprise. Of course, everyone is welcome here, no matter your background, but one of my goals is to use my platform to spread the joy in my life, and inspire you to do the same. None of that joy would be present without Jesus.
I was raised in church, a Fundamental Baptist church to be specific. (Side note: I'm not here to bash different denominations. I don't believe any of them have everything 100% correct, and I don't see why we can't all get along.) In that church, there was a lot of pressure to do everything *just right*. It seemed as if any minor mistake would cause me to fall out of favor with the Lord, and because of that pressure, I eventually fell away from the church altogether. Now, during that time, I was also pressured to confess my faith and be baptized. I was eight, and I truly had no idea what I was doing. I wanted to make my family happy, and go to Heaven, so I did what I thought was needed.
As a teen, I found out baptism doesn't earn you favor with God, or send you to Heaven, but the damage was already done. I found myself continuing to strive to earn God's favor well into adulthood. I still considered myself a believer, though my view of God had drastically changed over the years. I began to see Him as not a loving God, but someone else I had to impress; someone else who could be disappointed in me. I knew He was watching every step I made, and I also knew I was constantly messing up. I had failed to understand the truth of the Gospel, and as a result, my life was miserable.
I met Rob when I was 17. I was still going to church at that time, but shortly after we started dating, I stopped going. We stayed together, and got married. We allowed Bible verses to be read at our wedding, and we prayed at the end. But neither of us were living the way God asked us to. So much so in fact, we decided when/if we had kids, we would not be sending them to church -- ever. We didn't want that life for them: the poor church experiences, the intense guilt every time you did something wrong, the fear of not getting into Heaven no matter what you did. We wanted "better" for them; we wanted them to be able to choose, because we were not.
I was pregnant with Z when I first felt God's presence. I was shocked, considering it had been years since I had gone to church, or even prayed. But that day, I downloaded the Bible app and read in secret. I didn't want to share with my husband because I felt like I was breaking our agreement and the boundaries we had already set for our future child. Because of that, I mostly did my best to ignore it, but if you're a Christian, you know God can't, and won't, be ignored.
In 2017, my sister texted me one evening and asked me if I knew where I would be when my time here was done. I told her to stop being ridiculous. I was too young to think about those things, and I didn't even own a Bible -- nor did I want one. God had other plans, and He used her to bring me to faith. She was led to gift me a Bible, and it sat on my shelf for months. I finally decided to at least open it, and that day, I gave my life to Jesus.
There was still the issue of the agreement I had made with my husband, and I really didn't want to break it. So again, I read and prayed in secret. (Side note number two: my husband had a lot of church hurt, and doubts about the faith. He was hesitant about everything, which was understandable. I wanted to share that with you before I move on to what happened next). When Z was three, I was talking to my cousin Caren about going to church. I felt like God was encouraging me to go back, and bring Z with me. I told her I was afraid of what Rob would think. I knew he wouldn't tell me I couldn't go, but I knew he wouldn't be very happy about it and would think it was absurd. I swallowed my fears and told him anyway, and my concerns were valid. He didn't stop me, but he did laugh and told me it was ridiculous and he wouldn't be spending his Sunday mornings listening to gossip and poorly-written sermons.
I attended church alone for a couple of months until one morning, Rob got up and said he was coming with me. He had started to feel guilty about me going by myself and didn't like it. Of course, that was God giving him the same nudge He gave me. My husband gave his life to Jesus shortly after, and we were both baptized on Christmas Eve 2018.
I love seeing how God has worked in my life, my sister's life, and my husband's life. He used my sister to bring me back to Him, and Rob too. God really does have a plan for you, and it's perfect. He will use what was meant for evil, for the good of those who love Him. If you're not a Christian, know God loves you and wants to have a relationship with you. You don't have to be perfect, or get your life together before you go to Him. Without God's grace and our Savior, we will never be good enough, and it will never seem like the "right" time. I pray for each and every one of you, and I hope this was encouraging to you. I hope you have a fantastic weekend!
-xxAlycia
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